


In the Morning

by Phan_of_Shipping



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e12 The Eggplant The Witch & The Wardrobe, Fluff and Angst, John Constantine deserves a hug, Legends of Tomorrow Team are Family, M/M, Mornings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 05:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phan_of_Shipping/pseuds/Phan_of_Shipping
Summary: As he sunk into half of the bottle that he was drinking, John found himself falling into memories:  it wasn't the flirting he was missing about Desmond, or the laughing, or the cooking with him, or the dancing, or the intimacy; it was waking up to him in the morning.John knew the moment that Desmond woke up, lifting himself from the bureau cell floor that things would never go back to how they were.





	In the Morning

John knew it was foolishly naïve of him to think that Dez would forgive him after everything that had happened because, somehow, John thought that maybe it wouldn't be the craziest thing to have happened in these last few months. 

Part of him thought that everything would revert to how it used to be and he could leave the Legends knowing he saved the man he loved and had protected the world along the way. 

But it didn't work like that.

John knew the moment that Desmond woke up, lifting himself from the bureau cell floor that things would never go back to how they were. 

**You sent me to Hell. That’s something we're both going to have to live with.**

When John returned to the Waverider he headed straight to the library, fabricating a bottle of something strong along the way. Ray was right when he was defending Nora - _She's turned her dark experiences into a source of strength. Not an excuse for alcoholism or chain smoking_ \- and John only used the words against himself, weaponising them.

And as he sunk into half of the bottle that he was drinking, John found himself falling into memories: it wasn't the flirting he was missing about Desmond, or the laughing, or the cooking with him, or the dancing, or the intimacy; it was waking up to him in the morning. 

_Skin -_   
_Heat._   
_Hair in your mouth,_   
_Feet touching feet._

It was legs entangled in one anothers, feet resting upon each other's, cold toes that dangled outside the covers... the sun daring to sift its way into the bedroom.

"Good morning, Johnny."  
"Good morning, Dez."

_Oh you_   
_And I -_   
_Safe from the world_   
_Though the world will try._

Every morning John drank in the feeling of waking up next to someone who he knew and loved, and who returned that feeling. Having his head resting on the chest of his lover, toes sliding down his leg and tracing circles on Dez's hand. Those early morning moments that were warded against pain and danger - just peace. 

_Oh, I'm afraid of the things in my brain._   
_But we can stay here,_   
_And laugh away the fear._

That's what John missed right now. Now and always. The black hole in his mind only expanded since Dez left, since he sent him to Hell, and how he missed the feeling of invincibility in the hollows of the morning. Of having another shoulder to carry the burden, of having someone to confide in him. Instead, his burden was carried by the bottles he drank and by the cigarettes he smoked. 

He was better with Desmond: the best he'd ever been. 

_Numb._   
_Fine._   
_You create a rarity of my genuine smile._

Dez would tease kisses along John's jaw, his neck, his lips, with hands resting lightly on John's bare hips. He could still hear Desmond whispering quietly, like no one could hear them, as they laughed and poked, kissed and joked - John's eyes creasing like concertinas when his lips perked into a wide smile. 

_So breathe._   
_Breathe with me._   
_Can you drink all my thoughts? -_   
_Cause I can't stand them._

John had never felt that way about someone before. Sure, there was Zed and Anne-Marie, even Gary, but he never got the chance to truly _be_ with them - not like the way he did with Desmond. Not like the way Desmond could calm John down when he was enraged by the world, not like the way that Desmond could comfort him when he awoke terrified and haunted by his memories and not like the way that Desmond could actually make him believe that he was worth anything or safe, or loved.

_Intertwined._   
_Free._   
_I've pinned each and every hope on you_   
_I hope you don't bleed with me._

Destroying Desmond was destroying himself. But John revelled in that self-loathing, it was something he was good at. Never before had he had something so good, so pure, come crashing down with such catastrophic consequence. The shrapnel embedded itself in his body, it flared and spiked every time he made a mistake, it twisted every time he saw Sara and Ava happy together, it cut him open every time he was alone. 

_I'm afraid of the things in my brain._   
_But we can stay here_   
_And laugh away the fear_

"Come on John, let's get you up mate." 

John lifted his head from the desk to see Charlie lifting his arm up around her shoulders. He was vaguely aware of Sara on his other shoulder. The sound of Gideon filtered in and out of his ears but he didn’t pay attention to it.

John closed his eyes again, trying to remember every feeling he had when waking up beside Desmond. 

His laugh, his eyes, his lips, his jokes, his kisses, his smile.

That smile. 

"You saved him, John, think about it. You found a way and you saved him." Offered Charlie as she hauled him to his feet, where he swayed slightly.

John opened his eyes slowly, "No, you're wrong Charlie; he saved _me."_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing it and I just want to give my boi a hug. The lyrics were taken from 'Intertwined' by Dodie Clark which inspired the whole fic.
> 
> Any kudos/comments are always appreciated, ya make me smile :)


End file.
